The Kindness Advantage: How Social Intelligence Outshines Power and Dominance

In today’s world, choosing kindness is an active decision. It reflects a sophisticated form of intelligence that surpasses mere survival, a commitment to building a world where empathy and collaboration can flourish.

In my years as a therapist, I’ve noticed a growing tension in people as they struggle to understand why they’re feeling so disconnected, bereft and often overwhelmed by divisive language and power plays. Since the cultural shifts across the U.S. and beyond, my phone has been ringing off the hook as clients wrestle with the ways public discourse has changed, centring around compliance, division, and control over compassion and connection.

So why are people feeling this way? One reason, it seems, is that trauma memories of previous divides and fears about power have been reopened. While I don’t claim to be a political expert, years of observing and reflecting on social trends have given me some ideas about what might be happening and how we can move forward.

Recognizing the Signs

Over the years, I’ve noticed the signs of a cultural shift brewing beneath the surface in America and other countries, largely missed by traditional analyses. Here are a few patterns:

Media and Entertainment Reflect Traditionalism

The recent box office hit may seem a noval space to lean towards but films like Top Gun: Maverick captivated audiences with a nostalgia-driven hero, leaning into traditional values of meritocracy and strength. This was notable, especially given recent movements to address social issues in mainstream storytelling. The film’s success seemed to resonate more with audiences craving straightforward, classic themes rather than those exploring societal complexities.
The Rise of "Anti-Woke" Influencers

Figures like Joe Rogan and comedians such as Tony Hinchcliffe gained major followings outside mainstream media, capturing the attention of many who felt alienated from progressive dialogues. These voices don’t represent political conservatism in the traditional sense; instead, they appeal to those weary of conventional narratives, especially around issues of free speech and political correctness.
Shifts in DEI Initiatives

After an initial boom in corporate funding for diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) programs, in recent years my consulting work has noticed that companies began scaling back. This reflects a broader weariness with DEI’s perceived limitations, possibly signalling a shift in public sentiment toward policies around social identity and equity; or even just a statement from powerful decisions makers that diversity, equity and inclusions is a ‘wokeism’ which trickles down the cooperate chain to everyday engagement with others.
Growing Enrolments in Religious Schools

The COVID pandemic pushed parents to seek educational options that aligned with personal values, even outside urban, progressive areas. For some, this meant choosing private schools that avoid certain modern ideologies on social issues, reflecting a disconnect between the sub-cohorts that make up our communities.
Fractured Cultural Mythologies

To reference again a Hollywood block buster- even cultural phenomena like Star Wars have become battlegrounds for competing values, with traditional fans resisting what they view as a “postmodern” reinterpretation of a beloved myth. Although easily dismissed, these divisions mirror larger cultural disagreements between the progressive and conservative sides of modern life.

However subtle, these observations, are telling. They reflect the undercurrents of identity, value, and meaning that drive much of today’s disconnection.

The Need for Kindness and Connection in a Time of Change

We’re on the brink of what some experts predict will be significant political and social upheavals. As we face the uncertainties of coming years, we might ask ourselves what can bring us together in a world that often feels divided. Here’s where I’d like to offer some thoughts from my lecture at a recent supervision conference: The Kindest Person in the Room is Often the Smartest.

The premise of this lecture is simple: while we often equate intelligence with wit, power, or quick thinking, there’s a more nuanced, socially evolved intelligence in kindness.

Our Brain’s Evolution Beyond Survival

Humans have evolved from the instinct-driven “fight or flight” mentality. The growth of our prefrontal cortex—responsible for decision-making and empathy—illustrates our ability to regulate emotions and respond with compassion. Kindness isn’t just a soft skill; it’s a product of higher-level thinking, reflecting the capacity to connect with others thoughtfully.
The Science of Kindness and Emotional Intelligence

Kindness isn’t merely a nicety. Studies reveal that emotional intelligence, or EQ, is crucial to our well-being and productivity. Emotional regulation, empathy, and patience allow us to rise above impulsive, instinct-driven actions. Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” is released through kind interactions, reinforcing social bonds and reducing stress.
Kindness as a Path to True Leadership and Influence

Contrary to the competitive model of power, kindness fosters trust. In workplaces and social circles, compassionate individuals often inspire creativity, cooperation, and loyalty, making them effective leaders. Their approach cultivates an environment where people feel psychologically safe, encouraging innovative ideas and fostering resilience.

Therefore, moving forward, we must choose kindness. We must work to evolve beyond our primal brain instinct of survival instead choosing to practice kindness.

Moving Forward with a Choice for Connection

In today’s world, choosing kindness is an active decision. It reflects a sophisticated form of intelligence that surpasses mere survival, a commitment to building a world where empathy and collaboration can flourish. Choosing compassion over competition doesn’t signify weakness but strength, intelligence, and an evolved understanding of human nature. It is an intelligence that doesn’t just improve our individual lives but creates environments where collective growth, connection, and well-being are possible.

As we look to the future, let’s hold onto the hope that through kindness, we may find our way toward a more connected, compassionate world—one where we elevate the best in ourselves and those around us.

The path ahead for many is not easy. It will be one that is steeped in fear and anxiety. So, let’s commit ourselves to becoming master practitioners of kindness in these days of uncertainty and feelings of hopelessness. Know that through connection with others and self then the new world will be manageable.